Withdrawn
by Marish89
Summary: Woody rejects Jordan in the hospital and she starts on a path of selfdestruction. As she withdraws into her own world, can anyone get close enough to her to find the source of her problems and help put her back on the path to recovery? JordanWoody.
1. Chapter 1

"Screw you, screw your pity and GET OUT," Woody told her harshly, as he lay in his hospital bed, having no feeling in his legs.

"Woody," she began.

"GET OUT," he roared at her.

He noticed the deep pain and hurt that was filling her eyes before she turned to leave. At the door, she looked back at him, a stray lock of hair covering her eye.

"GO," he stated once more.

And as he requested she left, the tears she was desperately trying to contain flowing down her cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Woody POV_ **

I told her to get out. To screw her pity and go away. How could she possibly think that we could be anything now? I mean, I'm paralysed and she now wants a relationship; when I can't do anything. Typical Jordan. She waited until it was safe again before she told me, and the worst part was that her feelings weren't even true. She just felt sorry for me. As soon as I got feeling in my legs back, if I ever did, she would pull out the "let's be friends" card, and this time I couldn't and wouldn't stand it. So I pushed her away first, before she could hurt me, before she could say it was a mistake and before she could break my heart again. Little did I know, I had just broken hers.

I laid back in the bed and rested, knowing that whatever Jordan wanted and was in trouble for now, was no longer my problem. I fell asleep, dreaming of nothing and for once not longing for her.

**_Jordan POV _**

That hurt. The fact that he thought that I was low enough to tell him what he wanted to hear and then retract it later. The fact that he thought I would do that hurt a lot. I know I've gotten him into a fair bit of trouble over the years, but I never thought that he would dismiss me like that. He had always promised to be there, and as selfish as it sounded, now he wasn't. I know he thinks that my feelings are based in pity, but they aren't. I don't really pity people and he should know that by now. I guess when you've been shot, you don't think clearly, but this really did hurt and I had literally felt my heart break when he told me to get out.

As I left I tried so hard not to let the tears fall down my cheeks but I couldn't help them. The pain was too fresh and I needed to learn how to deal with being soundly rejected. I headed back to my apartment, trying to figure out how to accept it and move on with my life.

The first thing to do was shower, maybe after a nice hot shower, the pain in my heart wouldn't be as bad, but I didn't really believe so. As I wrapped the robe around my waist, I made a cup of coffee and reflected. The first time we met at the bank, the first time we kissed in California, the first time we danced at the Pogue, the first time he rescued me and a multitude of others. Now I realised that none of that would happen again and I was reduced to tears once more.

The pain of my broken heart was unbearable. I never wanted to feel this pain again. I knew what I had to do, and I would have no trouble doing it. I wouldn't get close to anyone, everything would be professional so that if by any chance someone else was hurt, it wouldn't hurt me this much. I really didn't want to go on. Vowing to myself to never again let anyone get close, I fell asleep still clutching my cooling coffee.

The following morning, Jordan woke feeling distinctly down and very hurt. The pain from her freshly broken heart still remained strong and she didn't think she could ever pick up the shattered pieces. She dressed for work and made her way to the morgue quietly. When she arrived, she quickly parked her car and headed directly to her office, only pausing at the front desk to see if any messages had arrived for her. Discovering she had none, she headed to her office and began to finish some of the paperwork that she had neglected over the past few days.

"Jordan, we need you for an autopsy in two," Nigel's voice spoke from the door.

Jordan nodded and headed there, still having said nothing this morning, which Nigel found extremely strange. But he let it go, as being under too much stress and not enough sleep by evidence of her red eyes and black bags.

"You alright, love?" Nigel asked as she put the gloves on and grabbed the scalpel.

"Yeah," she responded curtly, not willing to discuss anything that would cause her to care and be hurt once again.

Nigel looked sceptical but let it go. Throughout the autopsy everything was kept purely professional and at the end, Nigel was very worried. This was not the Jordan he knew. This Jordan was professional, curt, uninterested and most of all listless. If there was one thing that Jordan was not it was listless, and he immediately began to wonder about the cause of her new found depression. What he didn't know was that a certain brown-eyed Medical Examiner was not about to tell him the truth and had withdrawn so far into herself that she had absolutely no idea how to get out of her shell, even if it had only been a day into her new found misery.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: 

Jordan walked back to her office to finish the usually tedious paperwork but found that it had suddenly become far more interesting.

It took her mind off of Woody and his rejection of her and instead planted it firmly on her work. Occupied by her work and determined to think of anything else, Jordan didn't notice that Lily had entered her office.

"Jordan, are you alright?" she asked gently, her concern obvious.

"Yeah, fine," she answered briskly.

"You sure? Nigel said that you were awfully quiet during autopsy."

"Look, Lily. I appreciate your concern but I'm fine," And with that statement Jordan walked out of the office and in the direction of the elevator leaving behind a very concerned and startled Lily.

She headed to the hospital, knowing that Woody would be in rehab and unable to comment on her impromptu visit. She just wanted to sit on bed and be comforted by the gently scent that lingered. Unfortunately, life was not going to be that kind.

"Um, excuse me, Miss," a nurse interrupted timidly, "What are you doing here? Mr. Hoyt is in rehab at the moment if you want to see him."

"No. Thanks. I'll, um, I'll just go." Jordan stood and made to leave.

"No, Miss. That's fine. I'm sure Mr. Hoyt would love some visitors. He hasn't had any for a few days."

"None?" she questioned, her heart aching at the thought of Woody being alone in a hospital.

"No dear. When he was brought in he had a group of visitors that stayed with him. Then he apparently told some beautiful brunette to 'go away' and since then everyone has stopped visiting. He's only had one visitor since and that's you."

Jordan immediately felt horrible. Woody had been all alone and it was all her fault. He had broken her heart and she had let the world see it. She made a vow that whatever happened she would hide it from everyone and make them promise not to take anything out on Woody. They were still his friends regardless of what he did or didn't do to Jordan.

"I'll just wait for him. What time does he finish?"

"Not for another hour. You're welcome to leave and come back."

Jordan shook her head and the nurse left, leaving her alone once more with her thoughts of how to not let Woody break her heart a second time. She vowed to be stronger, and to make him see from her point of view.

She needed to make him understand, she needed him to believe that she loved him. That she wanted a relationship with him, that she was ready for commitment, that she would not run.

How to make him see all this was beyond her comprehension at the present time, but she knew that she needed a plan, probably several; each different, each unique, each playing on a different emotion but all with the same general goal.

Each plan she came up with was flawed, crucially flawed. Not enough reason, too much reason, not enough emotion, too much emotion. Each had a critical flaw, one that would obviously be seen and noticed by Woody and her plan had to be flawless.

Her plan had to work, because if it didn't she wasn't sure she would survive. She wasn't sure she wanted to. However, before she could find another plan, Woody entered the room.

"Hello, Woody," she said quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

"What are you doing here?" he asked, with an unidentifiable tone in his voice.

"I just came to see if you were okay. How are you dealing with rehab?"

"I don't need your support," he stated, ignoring her question.

"You might not think you do, but who else is going to come?"

"Cal," he said uncertainly, his non-belief evident.

"Where is he?" she asked, knowing he was lying.

"Uh, he just left," he said, starting to get nervous with her questioning.

"Really?" she asked, "then why did your nurse say you hadn't had any visitors?"

Knowing he had been caught, he changed the subject, "Why are you here?"

"I already told you. How's rehab?" she asked again.

Once again knowing that the subject was not going to be dropped, he answered, "Okay."

"Okay? That's it?" she asked incredulously.

"What do you want me to say? It hurt, it would have felt better to saw my damn legs off. Is that what you wanted to hear?" he stated angrily.

"I just want to know how you are. I want you to tell me the truth. That's all I want," Jordan said quietly, trying not to make this turn into a fight.

"It hurt, I can barely walk, I took a whole two steps! There, are you proud now? Is that what you wanted to know?"

"Yes," she paused, before continuing gently, "Do you want me to do anything? Get you anything?"

"No, you can go now," he responded dismissively.

"I'm not going. You can't stay in a hospital alone and stay sane."

"Like I'd stay sane with you. Jordan, go away?" he insulted.

"Why do you want me to go?"

"Because I don't want you here. Please Jordan, just go and leave me alone."

Hearing the tone in his voice, reluctantly Jordan left, looking back at the door once more. She paused and said quietly, "You can treat me as horribly as you want, but I still love you," and then she was gone.

Woody looked at her retreating back, shocked at what she just told him. He still believed that the feelings were pity-based, but hearing the words from Jordan's mouth was like a dream come true. He had waited five years, and now, he was the one pushing away, not her. It was cruel the way life had handled this, but he knew that to protect himself and her, he would have to push her away.

Still shocked by Woody's dismissal of her, Jordan walked down the corridor blindly. How could he think that she didn't love him? How could he think that she pitied him? She might be sorry about his injury, but she was not sorry for him. Determined to show him the depths of her emotions, she vowed to return each day until he believed her. Returning to the morgue, she threw herself into the work, still not talking unless necessary, regardless of the concerned glances of her co-workers.

"Jordan," Bug interrupted her train of thought, "What are you still doing here? It's 1:30 in the morning."

"Then why are you here?" she retorted.

"Making sure you're okay."

"I'm not offering it. We all care about you, Jordan. We don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'm fine. Worried about Woody, and speaking of which, why haven't you guys visited him? He's your friend too."

"He's not our friend if he hurt you, Jordan."

"He didn't, therefore he's your friend. Just go visit him, he's lonely."

Bug nodded, patted her comfortingly on the shoulder and left.

Jordan breathed a sigh of relief, two down, two to go, one to convince and one not to contact. She had successfully withdrawn from Bug, Lily. Nigel and Garret, as close as they were, were going to be harder. She still needed to convince Woody, but that would take a while. Meanwhile she had to make sure that Max wasn't and didn't get involved in this. Unfortunately for Jordan, Max was currently en route, to knock some sense into Woody.

Not knocking on the door or waiting for any indication he could enter, Max barged through the door and stood by Woody's bedside.

"Hello Max," Woody started, "Did Jordan send you?"

"No. She doesn't know I'm here. And as for Jordan, why are you trying so hard to push her away?"

"She doesn't want or need me. She pities me, and I don't need that."

"Woody, you know Jordan. Honestly, do you think she's pitying you or are you just afraid of what she's offering?"

"She thinks she loves me, Max. She doesn't. As soon as I get better, if I ever do, she'll be out the door faster than you can say 'Cavanaugh'."

"Woody, you're a good lad, but Jordan's got trust issues, major ones, and despite this she's willing to risk everything to be with you, only you. What does that tell you?"

"That she's an idiot. She shouldn't be strapped with someone who's incapable."

"She loves you, everything about you. Faults, weaknesses, paralysed or walking, all of you!" Max noticed Jordan heading down the hall, "Just think about it, Woody."

"Dad," Jordan asked, surprised, as she reached the room, "What are you doing here?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Just having a little man-to-man talk. I'll see you later, Jordan," he said, before giving her a kiss on the cheek and leaving.

"Hi," she said softly, "How are you doing?"

"Fine," he answered curtly, still shocked by Max's words.

"You feeling better than this morning?"

"Yes," he said harshly.

"Oh," she sighed, "Do you want me to get you anything? I bought some magazines for you on my way over," Jordan pulled out the various magazines and placed them on his bedside cabinet.

"Thank you," he said formally, still not breaking his icy glare.

Not sure how much more she could take today, Jordan nodded, leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before saying, "I'll see you tomorrow," then she left.

**_Woody POV _**

Max's words still rung in my ears, "She loves you, everything. Faults, weaknesses, paralysed or walking, all of you." How could she? He was paralysed, no feeling from his hips down, including his genitalia. How would she love him in a wheelchair? How could she love him if he was impotent? How on earth could she love him if he could never make love to her? "Think about it," Max had said, he was thinking but it made no sense.

She couldn't love him with all his injuries, it had to be pity. Tomorrow , if she came and visited, like she said she would, he would explain that she couldn't love him and that she deserved more.

**_Jordan POV _**

I headed back to my apartment, shocked by my father's appearance at Woody's hospital room. I had only heard the last think that my father had said, "Just think about it, Woody." Think about what? Think about getting better? Think about staying healthy? Think about an alternative career? Think about changing something? Think about WHAT? It had only been 10 minutes and it was already driving me insane. Knowing I wouldn't get any rest until I did know, I headed to the one place I knew he would be; the bar.

I arrived, parked my car, and strode into the bar, looking for Max.

"Dad," I called in the vacant space.

"What can I do for you, Jordan?"

"What did you tell Woody to think about?" I asked, straight to the point.

"You."

"Me? What do you mean, me?"

"I told him to think about what he was throwing away."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what did he say?"

"He thinks you're pitying him."

"I know that. Anything else?" I asked impatiently.

"He wants to know how you could love him if he's incapable."

"But that doesn't matter," I protested.

"Don't tell me that; tell him."

"I have. He doesn't listen. I'll go back tomorrow and try again," I paused, "Thanks Dad." Giving him a small kiss, I strode out of the bar and headed home.

The last thought she had before falling asleep, was that she had to straighten out this thing with Woody.

The following morning, Jordan woke early, hoping to catch Woody before he headed to rehab. Fortunately, when she arrived, Woody was still sleeping peacefully. Entering the room quietly, she paused as she looked at him. His toes were moving, which she took as a good sign. Gently she sat in the chair by his bed, and grasped his hand.

A few minutes later, Jordan fell asleep, still holding his hand tightly. Woody woke up a few minutes after, finding Jordan sleeping like that. Not knowing how much sleep she got, Woody stayed quiet, trying to remove his hand. As soon as the contact was lost, Jordan woke and looked up at Woody.

"Good Morning."

"Morning."

"How are you? I noticed that you can move your toes," she said gently.

"Yeah, started last night."

"Oh, about last night. What did Max talk to you about?"

"Why Max and not Dad?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"You're not changing the subject. Now answer the question."

"Why do you love me?" he asked.

"Is that what you talked about?"

"Please Jordan, why?"

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked rhetorically, "Okay, you're sweet, kind, loyal, compassionate and charming. You've always backed me up, and gotten me out of heaps of trouble. You have been so patient with me, even when I hurt you. I don't know how I couldn't love you, Woody. I've loved you since before California. I was just scared, that I'd get hurt, but it hurts more not to have you at all."

"So you just decided to tell me when I almost die so that you can have a clear conscience?"

"No, I tried to tell you after you said to return the ring. I was about to call you and ask you to come so I could tell you that I loved you."

"I don't know what to say."

"You say one of two things. One, you accept that I love you and we move forward or two, you don't accept it and I leave. I can't stay here and continue to have my heart broken if you don't accept it."

"But Jordan,"

"No, it's simple. Yes or No. I'll come back this afternoon."

Gently she bent forward and placed a kiss on his forehead before whispering, "I love you," and then she left, leaving Woody with an ultimatum and some very confused thoughts.

Should he say yes? Should he say no? If he said yes, he would gain something he never thought possible. But he would be a burden, one he wasn't willing to be, but if she was sure she wanted it, then why shouldn't he accept it? Because he didn't want to burden her. But if he said no, he could lose the best thing that had ever happened to him. He would never see her again and he wasn't sure he wanted to live without her. She said she would leave because it would hurt too much. Before he could reach a decision, the rehab nurse had arrived and he had no more time for thought on the subject.

Jordan, meanwhile, had been more engaged in her work, trying to forget about the consequences of the ultimatum she had given Woody. Possibilities flew through her head, if he said yes, if he said no. Although she desperately wanted him to say yes, she was preparing herself mentally, emotionally and psychically for a no. She had typed a resignation, bought boxes to pack, organised both her home and office and written small farewell notes to each member of her 'family'. Finally, after many hours of preparing herself and working, leaving no cases or files unfinished, Jordan left heading to the hospital to see Woody for what may be the last time.


	6. Chapter 6

Standing outside the door, looking in at Woody laying in the hospital bed, watching TV, Jordan felt a single tear race down her cheek. Quickly, she wiped it away before quietly knocking on the door.

"Hey," she whispered softly as she entered.

"Hi," he replied, just as quiet though a tone of nervousness was present in both his tone and behaviour.

"How'd rehab go?" she asked, trying to postpone the inevitable conversation about to come.

"It was okay. He got me to walk," he paused and added sarcastically, "A whole two steps."

"So what's next?" she questioned, ignoring the outburst.

"With what? Us or rehab?" he asked, annoyed.

"Rehab," she responded quietly.

"Walking ten steps unaided but the end of the week."

Jordan nodded, unsure of how to proceed further in conversation as she had no indication of his answer to her ultimatum. Woody, also unsure how to proceed, said nothing, still wary of the verdict that she was about to hear.

An uncomfortable silence settled upon the, until a nurse entered the room, chatting noisily.

"Oh, Good Afternoon Mr. Hoyt. How are you today?" she asked, as she bustled over to take his vital statistics.

"Fine," he answered shortly.

"Well, that's good. Can I get anything for you?" she paused to take a breath before continuing, "Or you, Miss. Can I get you anything?"

Politely, Jordan shook her head, while Woody said, "Just some privacy."

The nurse shook her head and responded, not in the least bit bothered by his attitude, "Sory, I gotta check your vitals and I'll be back in a few minutes with lunch."

With that comment she left, leaving Jordan and Woody alone as the tension rose in the small room. After an unbearable few minutes, Jordan spoke.

"So what's the food like here?" she questioned.

"Tasteless. I swear they've never heard of seasoning."

"Well, it is a hospital. What did you expect?"

After a couple more minutes of meaningless small talk, Woody finally raised the subject they were trying to avoid.

"We can't avoid it forever, you know?" he told her.

"I know, but I can postpone it as long as possible."

"Why did you give me this ultimatum?" he asked, delving directly into the matter.

"I can't stand my heart breaking a little every time you push me away or whenever I see you with someone else."

"So you'd rather just not see me at all, then?" he asked, incredulously.

"Yes, if that is your decision," she stated, as she felt her heart shatter in her chest.

"I'm sorry Jordan, I am. But it has to be this way because -" he was cut off by Jordan's voice.

"Woody stop. Please," she begged, pain evident in her voice, "I don't need a reason, I can't listen, it hurts too much," she paused and tears fell down her cheeks, "Bye Woody, I'll love you forever," she whispered before giving him a gently kiss on the mouth and exiting the room, leaving Woody feeling far worse than he ever though he could.

**_Jordan's POV_ **

My heart shattered, my soul broke. I don't think that I had ever been in such pain, knowing I was once again leaving my home, family and friends, deserting everything I had known in the attempt to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

Although I had given him a choice, I wasn't actually prepared for the answer, regardless of the fact that I had tried. With tears streaming down my face, I slowly made my way to my apartment, preparing to pack and book a flight to another location, yet undecided.

The moment I arrived at my apartment, I was overcome with memories and emotions and my body shook with sobs. Looking around my apartment, I felt a sense of loss as the memories flooded my mind; Woody kissing me, Woody hugging me, Woody finding my mother's locket, talking with Garret and Lily and playing my guitar. Knowing that I would never see this apartment again, I slowly looked around, memorizing each aspect of it before beginning to pack up.

A few hours later, all belongings and clothing was packed, I headed to the morgue, ready to hand in my resignation, letters and life. As soon as I arrived though, I knew doing that would not be as simple as I had imagined. As unnoticeably as I could, I left the farewell letters and resignation on Garret's desk, heading to the elevator. However, before the doors could close, Garret entered the elevator, holding my resignation tightly.

"Why?" he asked angrily.

"Because I can't stay here. I would appreciate a reference though, it isn't necessary," I replied trying to remain professional.

"You'll get a reference, that's not the point," he said dismissively, before continuing, "Why are you leaving?"

"Thanks."

"Damn it, Jordan. Why?"

"Because I can't stay here. Please don't ask me too," I said, cursing myself as I felt tears build behind my eyes.

"You'll keep in contact, won't you?" he asked worriedly.

"Maybe, just if I do, don't tell anyone."

Garret nodded before asking, "Where are you going?"

"Washington, no idea what I'm going to do though."

"I have a friend there. He's the head ME, I'll ask him to do me a favour and give you a job."

"Thanks," I replied, "That would be great."

"Keep in contact, Jordan," he whispered, embracing me, "and don't let him destroy you."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hoping that I was wrong in thinking he knew why I was leaving.

"Jordan, I'm not stupid. You're leaving because of Woody," noting my expression of pain, he said gently, "Don't let him destroy you, he's not worth that."

Hating myself for the tears that fell, I whispered, "Yes he is. He's worth everything. He is everything to me, Garret, and he doesn't want me." I paused, sniffling slightly, "I thought that maybe we had a chance, you know, a possible future. God, how could I be so wrong?"

"You're not. He's just an idiot. Come on, let me take you home."

"No, I'm fine. It's been great working with you."

I embraced him once more, before leaving, hearing him say that he'd call with information about the morgue in D.C.


End file.
